Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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