Taylor Swift is so right about you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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