No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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