Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Found the puke drawer
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
