It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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