So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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