Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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