It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so explain again why im purple
no
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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