Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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