census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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