Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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