why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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