Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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