I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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