Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
