you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
