Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
