it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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