just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
