Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No subtext here. People are naked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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