My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The Olympian is in my bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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