that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
