fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
