She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
