bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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