I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
