what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Congratulations! We have a period
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