i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
