just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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