i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
