Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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