Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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