Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
