If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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