Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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