its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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