he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
