It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
