I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
