Screwed.edu
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
