I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
