wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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