Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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