I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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