If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize