Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
