I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
