i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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