Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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