i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
