Swine flu. Run for my life!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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