You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
