Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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