I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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