I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
