What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
