Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he fucked my hip out of place.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
