can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
