I like to think it a success when the cops are called
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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