There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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