dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
