Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
last night I used snow as a chaser
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
