i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
