my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
