He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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