The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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