so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
