So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
